Unmasking the Manipulator: Understanding Power Dynamics in Relationships

There’s a particular pain that comes from being in a relationship where the energy becomes severely off balance.

You start by sharing your feelings — calmly, vulnerably, perhaps even with self-awareness. But instead of mutual reflection, you’re met with dismissal, blame, or emotional backlash.

You begin to question yourself. Am I too sensitive? Did I say it wrong?Should I just stay quiet next time?

And slowly, the scales of power shift — not in your favour.

This blog is for anyone who’s ever been emotionally manipulated, gaslit, or made to feel like their emotions are a threat in a relationship. We're going to explore:

• What drives manipulation beneath the surface

• Why shame often fuels gaslighting and blame

• How unhealed childhood trauma creates adult power plays

• The spiritual psychology of projection

• And how to recognise these patterns without losing yourself

It’s Not Always Malicious — But It Is Damaging

Emotional manipulation is often portrayed as calculated, malicious, and cold.But in many cases — especially in romantic relationships — it comes from deep emotional wounding, not villainy.

Some individuals grew up in environments where mistakes were catastrophised. Where even small errors were met with harsh discipline, shame, or exaggerated consequences.

They were taught that making a mistake meant being bad. That being criticised meant being unlovable. That expressing emotion — especially anger or sadness — was a threat to survival.

In adulthood, these wounds don’t disappear.They become armour: ego, control, perfectionism, defensiveness.And when triggered, that armour lashes out to protect the wound.

Instead of feeling shame again, the person deflects it onto you.→ They deny.→ They attack.→ They gaslight.

Because facing their mistake feels like death to their sense of self.

This is not to excuse manipulation — but to understand it.

💡 Psychological Roots of Emotional Control

As an example, here’s what we often see in manipulative dynamics, particularly in men raised in strict or hyper-critical households:

• Authoritarian Parenting (Baumrind, 1966): High control, low emotional warmth → leads to low self-worth and fear of failure.

• Toxic Shame (Bradshaw, 1988): The child internalises “I am bad” rather than “I did something bad.”

• Narcissistic Defences (Kohut, 1971): A fragile ego develops to mask unworthiness → becomes hyper-sensitive to critique.

• Projection (Freud): Unbearable internal emotions are projected onto others to avoid feeling them.

• Gaslighting (Stark, 2007): A form of emotional abuse where reality is denied or distorted to maintain dominance.

These patterns are deeply rooted, often unconscious — but incredibly destructive if left unhealed.

Power Dynamics in Romantic Relationships

In many imbalanced relationships, one person holds emotional control — not through love, but through fear, confusion, or domination.

This often looks like:

• "You're too emotional."

• "You're always blaming me."

• "You're the one who’s never happy."

You bring up a concern → they bring up your past behaviour.

You express hurt → they accuse you of being dramatic.

You ask for space → they guilt you for withdrawing.

This is how power is subtly and spiritually siphoned.

What’s really happening here is a wounded ego defending itself from shame — and using you as a mirror it doesn’t want to look into.

To better understand these power dynamics and learn strategies to stay grounded in your power when this emotional projection occurs, you may find my blog post "Gaslighting 101: Recognising the Signs and Taking Back Control" a helpful resource.

✨ The Spiritual Lens: Projection and Soul Contracts

From a higher perspective, projection is the psyche’s way of avoiding integration. What cannot be accepted within is cast outward. But this doesn’t mean you must tolerate it.

On a karmic level, you may have entered this relationship as a soul contract — a sacred opportunity to see where you give away your power, abandon yourself, or still seek love through over-explaining.

But this is not your permanent lesson.

You're not here to walk on eggshells. You're here to rise into self-honour.

If you feel called to step into your true power, you’ll benefit from reading  ‘5 Signs You’re Ready to Reclaim Your Power and Stop Playing Small’

🔍 How to Recognise the Manipulation for What It Is

While I delve deeper into this topic in my blog post "Gaslighting 101: Recognising the Signs and Taking Back Control," here's a concise list of signs that you might be caught in an unbalanced power dynamic:

• You tiptoe around expressing how you feel

• You're left feeling confused or ashamed after honest conversations

• You’re told how you “should” feel instead of your feelings being heard

• They rarely take accountability without prompting

• Your requests for connection or clarity are met with avoidance or criticism

• You feel emotionally unsafe to bring things up

💎 What You Can Do to Reclaim Your Power

1. Name it without shame.

   Recognising manipulation is not about demonising — it’s about reclaiming clarity.

2. Hold your emotional centre.

   Your feelings are valid even when they’re inconvenient for someone else. Don’t rush to over-explain or self-abandon.

3. Step out of the shame spiral.

   Just because someone can’t own their behaviour doesn’t mean it’s yours to carry. If they project guilt or twist the truth — pause. That’s their wound speaking.

4. Disengage from the control loop.

   You do not need to perform emotional labour for someone who isn’t doing their own.

5. Re-parent your inner child.

   Especially if you're the empath in this dynamic — you may have been trained to over-function, over-forgive, and under-honour your own needs.

🛠️ Ready to do the deeper healing work?

These tools can help you rebuild your internal compass and reclaim your emotional sovereignty:

✨ Reparenting Your Inner Child Workbook — A guided process to help you heal the deepest parts of you that attract the themes in your current relationships, and reparent your inner mother and father.

✨ Embracing Your Shadow Workbook — A guide to integrate the parts of you that attract, mirror, or tolerate imbalanced dynamics, and learn to meet them with truth and power.

✨ Align With Your True Self Workbook — Clarify your soul identity, values, and boundaries so manipulation no longer feels familiar.

✨ Platinum Therapy Package — Deep support for healing core wounds around emotional abandonment, shame, and people-pleasing.

✨ Book a Holistic Therapeutic Reading — Get insight into your soul’s relationship patterns and karmic lessons through astrology, numerology and human design.

✨ Final Words

The manipulator’s voice may sound loud in the moment — but your inner knowing is louder.

The real power was never in how others treated you — it’s in how you rise, respond, and remember who you are.

You are not here to carry someone else’s shame.You are here to walk in your sovereignty.

And so it is.

With power, clarity & love,

Leanne

Your Holistic Psychotherapist