Gaslighting 101: Recognising the Signs and Taking Back Control

You’ve taken your time.

Sought counsel.

Edited your message a hundred times.

Slept on it.

Re-read it again.

Double-checked that nothing sounded too harsh, too emotional, too much.

Finally… you hit send.

There’s a soft hopefulness in your heart. Maybe this time they’ll understand. Maybe this time things will shift. You’re relieved — or maybe anxious — but you’ve honoured your truth.

And then…

The response lands.

Fast. Defensive. Dismissive.

As if everything you just shared didn’t matter at all.

They twist the narrative. Minimise your feelings.

Once again, you are the problem.

Blamed. Shamed. Invalidated. Gaslit.

It’s disheartening.

It’s devastating.

And it hurts more than you can explain.

There will be times on this healing journey when you speak your truth with love… and the other person still refuses to hear it.

You express your feelings calmly, hoping for understanding — only to be met with deflection or emotional manipulation.

Suddenly, it’s all your fault. They turn the mirror back on you — projecting their own insecurities and unacknowledged feelings.

Sound familiar?

Whether you're facing someone with narcissistic traits or just an emotionally avoidant partner, friend or family member — this moment is a powerful initiation.

And how you respond can either drain your power…Or anchor you deeper into it.

Let’s get something clear:

Just because someone refuses to take accountability doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid.

Gaslighting and emotional invalidation are not love — they are power plays. For more on understanding this, read my blog: Unmasking the Manipulator: Understanding Power Dynamics in Relationships’

The fact is, you are not responsible for another person’s inability to face their own wounds.

When someone avoids their own reflection, they’ll try to hand their pain to you.

But it’s not yours to carry.

Let’s dive straight into what gaslighting is and the signs to look out for, how you can take back your control, and how stay in your power.

Understanding Gaslighting and Its Effects

First, let’s get crystal clear on what gaslighting actually is.

Because despite how often the word is used, it’s not just a buzzword or casual insult.

It’s a serious form of emotional manipulation — and if you’ve experienced it, you know how deeply it can shake your sense of self.

Gaslighting is defined as:

“Undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings.”— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect (2007)

It is a calculated tactic that distorts your perception, erodes your self-trust, and slowly destabilises your identity.

According to psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of psychological abuse — because it targets the core of who you are: your intuition, your truth, and your emotional reality.

And as Dr. Stephanie Sarkis explains in her article for Psychology Today (2018), people who are gaslit are:

“Repeatedly told that their reality is not valid,”

which often leads to chronic self-doubt, heightened anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic symptoms.

In short: Gaslighting is no joke.

It’s not “just miscommunication.”It’s either a deliberate or unconscious power play — and its impact can be devastating if left unchecked.

Spotting the Signs: Is It Gaslighting or Emotional Projection?

So, we may know what gaslighting is — but let’s be completely real:

In the heat of the moment, when emotions are high and you’re met with a fast, reactive, defensive response, it’s hard to stay centred.

Your heart races.

Your logic scrambles.

And before you know it, you’re caught in a spiralling back-and-forth — trying to defend your truth while slowly losing your footing.

That’s the thing about gaslighting: it’s not always obvious while it’s happening. It creeps in subtly, in high-stakes moments when you're vulnerable and just trying to connect.

And it leaves you questioning not only the conversation — but your own memory, instincts, and emotional validity.

So let’s break it down.

Here are some subtle — and not-so-subtle — signs you may be experiencing gaslighting or emotional projection:

• You’re made to feel like your emotions are too much, too sensitive, or wrong.

• They twist the narrative so you're to blame, even when you’re expressing a valid concern.

• You leave conversations feeling confused, ashamed, or doubting your own memory.

• They deny things they’ve clearly said or done — making you question your reality.

• You try to explain your feelings calmly, but they escalate, deflect, or shut the conversation down.

• You’re often guilt-tripped, made to feel selfish, or told you’re overreacting.

• They avoid accountability by focusing on your flaws, your tone, or your “need to always talk about emotions.”

• Boundaries are seen as threats — not healthy relational tools.

• They accuse you of “loving drama,” even though they’re the ones creating dramatic scenes when you bring up a minor issue.

If you're noticing these signs consistently, it’s not just miscommunication — it’s a pattern. And it’s one that can be emotionally and mentally draining.

But here’s the good news:

You’re no longer the version of you who tolerates this.

You are awakening.

You are remembering.

And you are reclaiming control — with compassion, boundaries, and clarity.

If you want support in staying in your power and healing the part of you that once accepted less, you can download my Figuring Out Your Ideal Relationship Workbook —  it will reconnect you with your core truth, needs, and boundaries so you no longer accept breadcrumbs or emotional chaos.

If you feel you need to get clearer on what’s yours and what’s not, download my Embracing Your Shadow Workbook — which will help you learn how to recognise when others are mirroring your wounds, and how to reclaim the parts of you that no longer want to play small in relationships.

And if you’re seeing a deeper container to heal attachment patterns, rebuild your sense of worth, and empower your voice and choices in love, consider my Platinum Therapy Package

So, how do you take your power back?

How do you stop absorbing someone else’s projections — and start reclaiming your peace, your truth, and your energy?

To protect yourself from the damaging effects of gaslighting, you need more than awareness.

You need soul-led strategy — grounded in self-empowerment, emotional clarity, and unshakeable boundaries.

Here are 7 powerful strategies to help you shift out of emotional chaos and back into your centre:

➤ 1. Spot the projection.

Ask yourself: “Is this really about me — or is this their discomfort with what I’ve triggered in them?”

If you feel unseen, misunderstood, or shamed simply for having an emotional need — it’s likely projection.

➤ 2. Reaffirm your truth.

You don’t need to shout to be valid.Listen to your intuition — your soul’s guidance.

Hold your energy. Ground your emotions. Write it out. Feel it through.

Then respond with clarity — not confusion.

➤ 3. Own what’s yours — and leave the rest.

As an empathic and self-reflective soul, you’ll naturally ask, “What’s my part in this?”

And that’s powerful. If there’s something to own — own it with grace.

But if the rest feels like deflection, guilt-tripping, or emotional spin — let it go.

You are not responsible for someone else’s unprocessed wounds.

What’s not yours is not yours to carry.

➤ 4. Set a boundary — without guilt.

You are allowed to pause the conversation.

You are allowed to say: “I’m open to discussing this — but only when we can speak with respect and openness.”

That’s not rejection. That’s self-respect.

This is self-love in action.

You deserve more than disrespect and dismissiveness.

Boundaries are not punishment for them — they’re protection for you.

➤ 5. Release the need to convince.

You don’t need agreement or validation for your truth to be real.When someone refuses to take accountability, spins the narrative, or avoids the heart of the matter — that’s about them, not you.

If they refuse to see what they’ve done or continue to flip the script – it’s not a reflection of your failure.

It’s a reflection of their avoidance.

Some people will reject the truth to protect their ego at all costs.But you don’t have to follow them into that spiral.

You don’t have to over-explain.

We’re not playing that game anymore.

Stand firm in what you know.

➤ 6. Reach out for perspective.

Gaslighting is designed to shake your sense of reality.

That’s why speaking with someone grounded — someone you trust to reflect the truth back to you — can be so powerful.

Sometimes you just need a clear mirror that says: “No, you’re not crazy. You’re being mistreated.”

If you don’t have someone safe to turn to, try:

·       YouTube videos by trauma-informed therapists/survivors

·       Forums, podcasts, or journaling prompts

·       AI tools for emotional clarity

·       Or book a session with a trusted therapist or holistic guide

You are not alone — and your clarity can be restored.

➤ 7. Take your time — you’re not under pressure.

There’s no race to respond.

You don’t have to fix it now or defend your truth on command.

This isn’t a test.

It’s an initiation.

Your only task is to stay rooted in yourself.

Take a breath.

Go for a walk.

Do something nourishing — even joyful.

Return to your highest vibration.

Reconnect with your peace.

Shift the energy.

Clarity comes when you respond from your centre, not react from panic.

How to Stay in Your Power & Embrace Sovereignty

As a psychotherapist, I’ve supported hundreds of clients who find themselves caught in the same power-play dynamics — again and again.

They’ve done the healing. They’ve done the work.

And still, they attract relationships where gaslighting, emotional deflection, or blame seem to run the show.

I always remind them:

This isn’t a test you’re failing — it’s a soul initiation you’re being called into.

You’re not here to beg for understanding or over-explain yourself into being loved correctly.

You’re here to remember who you are — and act accordingly.

When clients ask, “Why does this keep happening?” the answer is rarely that they’re broken.

More often, it’s because they’re standing at the threshold of a breakthrough — being invited to claim a new identity:

✨ One that no longer over-functions

✨ One that no longer mistakes confusion for connection

✨ One that chooses peace over being “right” or being chosen by the wrong person

And if you’re wondering why this pattern still shows up — even after all your inner work — know this:

Karmic cycles take time to integrate.

Sometimes, we revisit the lesson not because we’ve failed, but because we're being shown how deeply we’ve grown.

You are not missing anything.

You are not too late.

You are right on time — being guided through exactly what your soul needs to evolve.

💛 If you need a gentle reminder of this truth, read: You’re Not Too Late: Finding Peace When Life Isn’t Where You Thought It Would Be

Zoom out and see the bigger picture:

This experience, as painful as it may feel, may have been divinely orchestrated to call you deeper into your power.

If that resonates, you may enjoy my blog: 5 Signs You’re Ready to Reclaim Your Power and Stop Playing Small.

You are being initiated into a deeper embodiment of your worth.

You’re not here to prove your value.

You’re here to realise it. Live it. Protect it.

This is sovereignty in motion.

And in recognising your inherent value, you begin to choose higher timelines that reflect it.

You rise from victim consciousness into sovereign consciousness.

You are allowed to take your time.You are allowed to speak your truth with both grace and strength.You are allowed to say:

“I’m open to connection — but only when it’s mutual, respectful, and emotionally safe.”

As Christ said:

“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything more comes from evil.” — Matthew 5:37

And when you move this way — calm, self-respecting, sovereign — the ball returns to their court.

You stay centred.

You stay clear.

You stay free.

You remain on your throne.

Either they rise up to meet you,Or they stay where they are.

And that’s that.

Remember:

What’s not yours... is not yours to carry.

You don’t have to explain your worth to someone who’s committed to misunderstanding you.

Your energy is sacred.

Your feelings are valid.Your power is your own.

And so it is.

With love & clarity,

Leanne

Your Holistic Psychotherapist

P.S.Want to go deeper in your self-healing journey?

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